Hannah Scott

Childhood Trauma Effecting You as a Parent

I thought I was healed before I had kids.

I did the therapy.

I did the church.

I read the books.

I had the community.

I made good money.

I was GOOD.

And then… I had kids.

The amount of effort it took me to not to be

the angry mom, the bitter wife, the exhausted, anxious, overworked, lost mom…

Made me realize, I had a lot of healing to do.

It forced me to peel back the layers and understand that my lack of contentment was deeply rooted in my childhood fears. I feared that my lack of accomplishments and all my mistakes in motherhood and as a wife would deem me unlovable. I was scared of being abandoned. And the lack of control was entirely uncomfortable.

It was humbling and frustrating to see that

although I didn’t want to be the angry, anxious, bitter, exhausted mom and wife,

I didn’t want to be abandoned, unloved, or out of control even more. So I would fight those fears with all that I was and it stole from me without me even realizing it.

And this was just the surface.

ICH showed me how to get to the root of why I acted in the ways I did and how to change my mindset, lifestyle, and beliefs in ways I never imagined possible .

It changed me as a mom, as a wife, and as a person. It will do the same for you and your family.

How to Love Through the Hard Realities of Parenting

I know, I know. This is TMI.

But I’m a mom.

My 3 year old daughter was laying on me.

She wasn’t feeling well.

She sat up and there it went.

All. Over. Me.

The remains of her dinner covered me.

It was one of those messes that was so big,

I started to gag myself

My instinct was to yank her up & run to the shower.

But in the middle of me processing,

I saw it and completely stopped.

Her big brown eyes looking at me.

Confused. Scared. Grossed out. Oh so very tired.

And I forgot everything.

And in that moment she was all that mattered.

I sat there vomit soaked.

I put my hand to her cheek. She closed her eyes as I held her head and stroked her hair.

“You are so strong…Your body is so healthy…

It’s okay…We are going to take a nice bath and you are going to feel so much better. Your body is doing such a great job…You are so strong.”

After a few moments my husband came to the rescue. He scooped up the dirty blankets, started the warm bath, and held my youngest.

As we took our time in the bath, he cleaned the couch and tossed everything in the laundry.

I know this isn’t glamorous or wild, but I wanted to share because it was such a simple half an hour of us being a pure family unit.

Everyone living in loving selflessness.

And I’m proud to be a part of it.

How to Spend Quality Time with Your Child

When her sister was born,

I started to miss my oldest.

So I came up with what we call Coffee Time.

You can call it anything you want with your child.

I’ve been doing it since Nola was a 2 year old.

I drop everything, make some sort of drink for us, turn off all electronics, and focus completely on her.

It’s nothing fancy, but as a mom of multiples, it has become my treasure.

Sometimes it’s 10 minutes, sometimes it’s a full hour. However long it is, the time is spent on her.

We talk about her dreams, her days, her likes and dislikes, school friends, and more…

Sometimes we don’t talk at all.

Sometimes we listen to music.

Sometimes we laugh…

Sometimes we cry…

She gets to choose.

And my all time favorite part is that even though she’s getting older, she still asks for Coffee Time with mommy.

My hope is that it never ends and that she cherishes this time as much as I do.

Is it Your Money Mindset or Just That You Have Different Values

I thought Starbucks was for rich people.

At friends houses I saw the boxes of gushers, fruit roll-ups, and Doritos and I thought my family was poor.

At friends houses I was amazed with the massive DVD collections, TVs in bedrooms, and eventually iPads and cellphones.

And I thought my family was poor.

When we joyfully shuffled through bags of hand me downs and searched endlessly at thrift stores for cute clothes instead of going back to school shopping, I thought we were poor.

But the thing is we had a basketball court at our house. The thing is we had a pool so big, it could easily fit 20 people.

We had horses. And chickens, cats, dogs, goats, and pigs. Heck! We even had a coy pond.

We had a field where our family played football, soccer, and freeze tag. Some summer days my sisters and I would lay out our blankets and read together as the sun shown down on us.

There were luscious gardens with rows and rows of veggies of every kind that we planted from seed. Flowers, fruit trees, and bird feeders surrounded the house from every angle.

My mom was a culinary expert.

We cooked food from every culture with names I still can’t pronounce. She was the kind of woman that rarely needed a cook book. She just knew. She baked, canned, pickled, and more.

All from scratch.

Every year we would take massive road trips and travel the U.S. during the summer. I can’t even express how much fun we had in these trips.

During Inner Child Healing, I was able to gain an entirely new perspective.

It was never that we were poor.

It was that my parents had different values than many of those around us. They valued experiences, hard work, and adventure.

I’m so thankful I get to bring even an ounce of this hard work, knowledge, play, and adventure from my unique childhood to my daughters.

The absence of something is not always that the item is unavailable,

sometimes it’s that more precious items were chosen to fill the space and time instead.

Friendships for Mothers

The simple things I Love that my best friends and I do with play dates:

– We don’t dress up or clean for each other

It’s the beauty of true friendship.

You never have to impress. Do we tidy up here and there? Yes. Do we wear makeup around each other? Yes. But it’s never an expectation and we are fully loved, even on our messy days without judgement.

– We sit on the floor.

Even when there are perfectly functioning chairs. We stay flexible and close to our kids. It’s just who we are, I guess

– We don’t insult our husbands.

We lean on each other during rough seasons, and when that time comes, we encourage and listen. We really value and respect our husbands, so trash talking about them has never been part of it

– We know our roles as moms come first.

If our child needs something or is talking over our conversation, we stop. Every time. Period.

And there’s never hard feelings for us being a mom first and a friend second.

-We are flexible.

Sometimes we cancel last minute. Sometimes it happens multiple times in a row. Sometimes one of us showed up a half an hour late. Sometimes we leave early because our child needs some extra love or privacy to work through big feelings.

Whatever it is, there’s always grace.

And it’s always okay.

– We openly parent our kids differently without fear of offending each other.

This means we can transparently say things like:

“Hannah is okay with her kids taking her shoes off, but you listen to your mamas rules. And I asked you to keep your shoes on.“

– We parent our own kids, but are still united.

Sharing the same parenting values makes this a dream. We believe in letting their kids be kids and make mistakes without shame, but also in lovingly explaining and guiding along the way.

– We love each other’s kids

We buy presents for each other’s kids. Make food with special ingredients for those with allergies and dislikes, plan special dates, and avoid places like that we know certain friends won’t enjoy.

– We constantly talk about how to be better parents

Motherhood is one of our biggest callings in life. We wear it unashamedly on our sleeves. And I feel like we grow together every time we see one another.

Finding your people in one of the best things ever,

Especially as an overwhelmed parent.

Community takes the weight off.

So even if you are feeling the pressures of parenthood, go out and find your people!

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