She left and never came back.
Without a word.
I looked up to her like a mother. Loosing her while she was alive was something I never thought I would experience. You never think of such things when you are a kid.
I remember her sweet, gentle voice telling me stories late at night.
She was the one who did my hair before school concerts. She was the one who cut my hair and we were both frustrated when I didn’t like it.
She was the one who told me I had perfect eyebrows when I was self conscious about my entire body.
Her long black hair was always perfect. And her face was angelically smooth. I wanted tan skin and dark hair like hers most of my childhood.
When the world felt awful, she found a way to do something hilarious to help us laugh to tears. She was the most beautiful person inside and out. I never heard her complain once. She worked harder than anyone in my family.
I would stay up for her to get home from work and we’d split a sandwich or the cookies she brought home as she told me about her day.
I imagined I would go to her house as an adult and she would babysit my kids. I imagined we would finally be happy when we all left my parents house.
Grief over somone who not died is a common symptom I help many of my clients walk through: family estrangement, heartbreak, leaving toxic relationships, leaving close coworkers, unexpected loss of friendship and more.
All of these can be achingly painful. Yet far too often you are told to “Get over it,” and to “be better off without them.”
But if you are anything like me, you love hard. You show up fully with the people you show up with. It’s not that simple.
You have to grieve.
Grief is our bodies natural response to loosing something or someone. Grief can last for a day or it can last for months or years. Let it come.
Feel the sadness.
Release the it by sitting in it.
Cry. Feel. Weep.
The sooner you do, the sooner it passes.
The longer you hold on to the loss without feeling the weight of it’s loss, the longer you hold yourself back.
