Dear teenage me,
I’m sorry that you were taught your worth was in your appearance and sexuality.
I’m sorry clothes were ripped and cut up in front of you because you could expose your body.
I’m sorry you weren’t allowed to dance or join gymnastics because of the outfits.
I’m sorry that eventually the modesty culture was so ingrained in you that you were scared to wear shorts until your teens.
I’m sorry for the shock and confusion when you realized your clothes didn’t save you anyway.
I’m sorry they gave you magazines full of flawless woman to compare yourself to and were given books to show you how to do your makeup “properly” to look the most appealing.
I’m sorry for the male teacher in 9th grade who was a pervert.
I’m sorry for the sex ed teacher that taught you that you were as dirty as the triple backwashed cup he proudly displayed if you weren’t “pure”.
I’m sorry for both the times you thought you were innocently getting a ride from a male ‘friend’ and both drove you to a place where no one would hear you scream and locked the doors.
I’m sorry you were taught that if you were with a cheating partner or porn addict, you were some how responsibility.
I’m sorry for the assholes you were with who told you that you were “too thick”, “too skinny”.
Who said you “should get a boob job”, “should be bought a tummy tuck”, “should wax”, “should fix your eyebrows for”, etc.
I’m sorry sex and your body was taught as something to fear, compete with, or control.
But I want you to know,
one day you find truth.
One day you realize your body and sexuality are each just small parts of you, not your totality.
You understand that your intelligence, courage, happiness, creativity, faith, confidence, and so much more are the sum of what makes you wonderfully you.
You realize that men who lust and mistreat women are NOT your responsibility.
You understand BOUNDARIES keep you safe and you follow them without fear of what others think about you.
You stop dressing for others entirely.
You wear knee high boots with a skin tight dresses and you wear baggy pants and coat that cover every inch of you.
You enjoy the art of makeup and stop letting it define your beauty. Some days you wear a full face, other days you wear none. You feel beautiful & sexy both ways.
You realize that you were taught shame around sex.
And you see the damage and confusion it caused to you as a confused little girl who was sexually assaulted at a young age. You heal and release it.
You treat your body with love & take care of it how you see fit. Not based on others shallow wishes.
Then you go on to teach your women how to find their confidence, how to heal from the past, and how to live in freedom in their own bodies and with their sexuality despite their confusing childhood like yours.
You rise above it all
